Survivor's Guilt Read online

  Her shirt was already off and the button on her jeans undone. The delicate black lace of her bra clung to her breasts like a second skin and I hated to admit to myself that I was jealous of the fabric for getting to maintain its position on her body.

  Making sure to lock the door behind us, we stuffed ourselves into the tiny space and lost no time before we began devouring each other’s mouths. I dipped my tongue inside her warmth and she didn’t hesitate to open for me. I loved the taste of her, so familiar, so comforting. I felt like a horny teenager making out with his crush, as my hands touched her everywhere.

  “This is so fucking hot,” I murmured against her neck and I freed one of her breasts front the cup of her bra.

  “Shhhh, we have to be quiet,” she whispered and then groaned as I ducked my head to capture her nipple in my mouth.

  “Baby, I’m already wet. We have to do this fast. Take me now,” she demanded and began peeling her jeans down her legs. Leaving one foot in and taking the other out, She braced herself against the tiny sink and then lifted one leg to expose the matching lace underwear she wore. She then went to work unbuckling my jeans and pushing them and my boxers down just enough to expose my erection. Instantly going to work, she began to stroke my length, causing me to harden in her hands even more.

  “Just slide them to the side, and fuck me,” she said looking down at her panties.

  Holy hell.

  I did even better. I hooked my finger into them and in one swift swipe, I tore the crotch and exposed herself to me. I licked my lips wishing that I could taste her, but knew that we didn’t have much time.

  “I kind of liked those, caveman,” she teased.

  “I liked them too, baby, but I’ll buy you more.”

  Lining myself up, I slowly slipped inside of her and our mutual moans filled the confined space. I started slow, but when I heard voices outside the door, I quickly picked up the pace and pressed my mouth to hers to muffle our cries. She was my home. Inside her, she was my sanctuary. With each thrust I reached somewhere deeper into her and knew she was getting close when she bit down on my lip.

  “I—I’m going to come,” she whispered as she was now panting and it made me work even harder. Sweat rolled down my temples and with a soft cry, her back arched and she surrendered to the release of pressure. One, two, three more thrusts, and I emptied myself inside of her. We stilled together as we tried to gain control over our breathing.

  “Welcome to the mile high club, baby,” she smiled before kissing me one more time. I withdrew from her and as quickly and as quietly as we could, began putting our clothes back on. I let her exit the bathroom first, so as to not cause a scene with the other passengers nor alert the flight attendants. When I thought I had given her ample enough time to find her seat, I exited and made my way back to sit beside her.

  “Wow.” She breathed as I sat beside her and reached for her hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

  “That was amazing, but I plan on taking my sweet time with you tonight.”

  “And I thoroughly look forward to it,” she smiled and laid her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes.

  ***

  I WATCHED HER FROM afar as I ordered drinks for us from a small cabana located on the beach. Her skin shone brilliantly beneath the beaming sun of the Florida Keys, causing her perfect skin to begin to bronze. I admired the beautiful curves of her body as she was adorned in a white, sexy as hell bikini. The floppy hat on her head shielded her shoulders from the forcefulness of the sun as my eyes raked from tip to toe where she reclined in the beach chair.

  “Yours?” The bartender asked as he nodded his head in my wife’s direction.

  “Yep. All mine. I’m a lucky bastard.”

  “Most definitely,” he said looking at me with envy. He was a little older, the light peppering of grey at his temples giving away his age.

  “Newlyweds?” He asked again as he went back to mixing the fruity concoction that my wife loved so much.

  “We got married yesterday,” I said as I smiled thinking about our vows at the ceremony and the image of her in her dress flashed in my mind.

  “Congratulations,” he said as he sat the drinks down in front of me. I reached in my wallet to pay him and he shrugged me off.

  “No charge. In celebration,” he said smiling at me. I pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and slid it over to him.

  “For you then.”

  “Thank you sir.”

  I made my way back over to where my wife was and handed her the pink drink she requested.

  “Thank you,” she replied as she took a long pull from her glass.

  We stayed out on the beach for an hour people watching as we reclined in our chairs that faced the water. I securely held her hand in mine, our fingers entwined, desperate to not break our touch from each other before we retired to our hotel room to take a nap.

  ***

  “Wake up sleepyhead,” I said as I caressed the soft skin of her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open and she had a glazed over look to her eyes before she realized where she was.

  “No, I’m too comfortable. Come back to bed,” she said sleepily as she patted my side of the bed. “Let’s snuggle more.”

  “That sounds so enticing, baby, but if we don’t get up and get ready, we’ll miss our boat.”

  She rose up on her elbows and the sheet slid down exposing her breasts to me. When we had retired to the hotel room, it was my full intention for us to take a nap so that we could enjoy our evening out on the sea tonight without being completely exhausted. She had different ideas. We had barely made it into the room before she turned around and jumped into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist and asked me to make love to her. We spent a few hours going slow, touching, teasing, and finally indulging ourselves in the intense pleasure that only we could give to each other.

  “What boat?” She asked as she sat up straighter and stretched, the movement causing her chest to push out before me. When she looked at me she saw the stupid grin on my face.

  “You know, we could always just stay here and have dinner in bed.”

  “You sure as hell have become insatiable since you became my wife,” I joked and I scooted closer to her on the bed and leaned in to press a kiss on her lips.

  “What can I say? I have a pretty sexy husband,” she smiled at me, her eyes shone with potent desire.

  I groaned. Nothing would please me more than to stay here all night long and only move when we needed to come up for air, but I had spent quite a bit of money on these tickets and I also knew it would be something she would enjoy.

  “I hear they have homemade tiramisu on the boat,” I waggled my eyebrows at her. She pursed her lips, trying to hide the smile threatening to form on her face.

  I had her. She couldn’t resist dessert.

  “Then later, when we get back,” I said as I kissed her shoulder, “we can have a treasure hunt.”

  “A treasure hunt?” She asked as she laughed delightfully.

  “Yes. See I can play pirate. And I’m looking for your booty.”

  “Oh my God, Evan. You did not just say that!” She said throwing her head back so that her long hair fell down her back and broke out into a fit of laughter.

  “Well, wife, you definitely have some treasures I seek. I would like nothing more than to seek your clam shell.”

  “Stop, stop!” She cried as she hugged her arms around her waist. “I’m gonna pee my pants.”

  The Boat

  WE STEPPED ONTO THE beautiful fifty-two-foot Bluewater Cruiser just as the sun was beginning to touch where the sky and sea met. Whimsical orange and red hues stroked the sky like an exquisite watercolor painting. The sky was mainly clear except for the few dark clouds off in the distance, but with the magical scene before me, I paid them no mind. The outside deck had a few people scattered about sipping on bubbly flutes of crisp champagne as they admired the sunset.

  My husband entwined his strong fingers with mine and led me into
the main cabin where the mouth-watering smell of gourmet Cuban cuisine permeated the air. White linen cloths covered about ten round tables that were decorated with white fine china and crystal stemware.

  “Wow, this is beautiful,” I said gazing around the cabin in awe. I was so excited to get to share a sunset dinner cruise with the love of my life. He amazed me with how romantic he could be. I loved how he could still make me feel giddy after four years together, and how he always thought of me before he made any decision or plans. He knew I would love something like this and it made it even more special.

  “Thank you for this,” I said as I rose up on the tip of my toes and placed a kiss on his cheek, careful to keep it PG. The way he looked in the dark suit he wore, stole my breath away, and my thoughts were anything but appropriate. His broad shoulders filled out the jacket that tapered at his narrow waist. His sexy as sin ass made his slacks look as if they were made especially for him. His dark hair was slightly tousled from the wind and there was a slight speckling of scruff on his face. He looked almost as perfect as he did on our wedding day.

  Almost.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for boarding The Evening Star. This is your captain Steve Hurst. On behalf of Key Cruises, we would like to invite you to find your seats as we begin our two-hour dinner voyage.”

  We made our way over to our table where my husband held out my chair for me to have a seat. Ever the gentleman. Two other couples soon joined us, one set seeming close to our age and another who looked like they had been married for over fifty years. I smiled looking over at my husband and thought that I hoped that was us one day. Still in love in fifty years like we are today, if not more so.

  The younger of the ladies sat down next to me. I admired her modern, yet elegant red cocktail dress as I extended my hand to her.

  “Hi, I’m Ellison. Honeymoon,” I said as I nodded my head towards my husband who was engaged in conversation with the older man’s wife. She smiled sweetly as she placed her clutch on the table before reaching her hand out to mine.

  “I’m Lilly. And same for us. We just got married two days ago.”

  “We were married yesterday,” I added.

  “Congratulations,” we both said in unison and then giggled. Lilly’s husband was talking animatedly with the old man at the table about deep seawater fishing as my husband tried to listen to his wife go on about how to properly skin a fish. I couldn’t help but smile at the situation. The older couple was very friendly, but I could tell that our two men wanted to put their attention towards their brides.

  “Think we should rescue them?” Lilly asked me as she nudged me slightly with her elbow. I pursed my lips and then smiled widely.

  “Nah. I’m quite enjoying this. It’s payback for every time he left me talking to his Aunt Dorothy who would talk about nothing but her bunions.”

  “Ewww. Yeah. I’d say this is definitely payback,” she laughed.

  “So where are you from?” Lilly asked me just before she took a sip from her water glass.

  “North Carolina. We actually live pretty close to the coast, but we wanted a change of beach scenery so we came to the keys. What about you?”

  “We are from Miami, actually. I know, I know, we didn’t venture far, but my husband is a pediatric surgeon and he wanted to stay close in case he got the call. One of his patients has a brain tumor. Cancer. She’s only seven. He felt that he needed to be close by in case something were to happen.”

  I hated that word. Cancer. The same word that took the life of my beloved grandmother nearly two years ago.

  “That is completely understandable. I admire your husband for wanting to do that. Seems you married yourself a winner.” I smiled.

  Lilly looked over at her husband who was discussing different bait tactics with the old man, and gazed at him with the same kind of love I felt for my own husband.

  “I sure did. I think I won the husband lottery.”

  I picked up my water glass, “To happily ever afters,” I said holding it up towards her. She retrieved hers and clanked it with mine.

  “And to finding our princes,” she added and then we took a drink of the water.

  Twenty minutes into the cruise and waiters appeared at our table carrying delicious smelling food, setting plates down in front of us. We all carried on chatting and getting to know each other as we enjoyed our gourmet meal. The older couple, we learned, was in fact celebrating their anniversary, but it was their sixtieth. They lived in a tiny town outside of Nashville, Tennessee and this was the first real vacation they had taken in over twenty years. They were sweet and very lively. We all laughed at the old man’s jokes and again at his wife who rolled her eyes at him playfully, claiming how cheesy he was.

  All around us, the cabin was filled with glass walls so that we could see the sunset as the last bit of the sun danced upon the water. I was having so much fun that I hadn’t even noticed how far offshore we had gone. I couldn’t even see the lights of the keys anymore.

  After dessert, which did indeed consist of the most delicious tiramisu I had ever had, we sat around drinking a wonderful vintage dessert wine.

  Suddenly the boat shifted causing me to nearly lose the glass in my hand and my husband reached out a hand to help steady me when I nearly slid off of my chair.

  “Sorry about that folks,” the captain announced only minutes later. “The winds have started to pick up slightly so we may experience some more listing throughout the remainder of the cruise. Try not to worry and continue to enjoy yourselves.”

  An orchestra consisting of a pianist, a harpist, and a cello player made their way onto the stage and began playing a beautiful stream of music throughout the cabin. Tables were cleared producing a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room.

  “May I have this dance?” My husband looked at me before he stood up and bowed, offering his hand out to me. I blushed and smiled at the same time feeling a bit warm and tipsy from the wine. Then I thought back to how Lilly and I had talked about finding our princes earlier. I noticed that she and her husband had already made their way onto the dance floor along with the older couple. I smiled sweetly up at my husband. I couldn’t pass up the chance to allow my body to be molded to his and took his extended hand and let him lead me.

  He held me close as I laid my head upon his chest relishing in the beautiful sound of his heartbeat. It was still surreal that God was allowing me to feel this happy. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for this man. The man who filled every space of my heart and had permanently left a piece of him with me, making us more one than we ever were two.

  The boat listed again and I stumbled, but was instantly caught by his strong arms as he pulled me back to him.

  “I about landed on my ass there,” I laughed. He looked down at me, his face serious, and the peacefulness of only a few moments earlier non-existent in his expression.

  “No matter what, Ellie. I will always be here to catch you if you stumble. It may not always be before you fall, but in that case I’ll be there to pick you right back up. You are my everything.”

  ***

  I LOOKED DOWN INTO the beautiful blue eyes of my wife and thought that there couldn’t be anything more perfect than this moment. Except maybe when she said “I do.” The boat rocked a little forcefully and I held her to me, enjoying the feeling of how her body molded so perfectly to mine. How we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle formed and shaped so that we only had one match.

  Each other.

  “I love you,” I whispered into her ear as I held her closer if possible.

  “I love you,” She whispered back, nuzzling into my chest. My heart ached with the force of my love for her. The power that this one tiny woman had over me was astronomical.

  She looked up at me with tears glistening in her eyes.

  “What’s wrong baby?” I asked her as I reached up to cup her face in my hands and as the tears fell, I caught them with my thumbs, just as I had promised in my vows.

/>   “I—I need to tell you something.”

  Dread filled my stomach. What was it that she needed to tell me? The concern on her face nearly broke me and about a dozen anxious thoughts raced through my mind. She bit her lip, glancing down for only a brief second before looking back up at me.

  “I wanted to do this in a different way. Tell you with something funny, or clever, but it’s eating at me and I can’t hold it in anymore. I know we had talked about it before the wedding and that we were just going to see what God blessed us with, but the day before the wedding I found out…”

  She paused looking nervous.

  “What baby? Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

  God please tell me she wasn’t sick. I just barely got to claim her as mine, and we have many, many years ahead of us.

  “Well, I think when we get home, we should look into getting a bigger vehicle.”

  I stopped dancing with her and just stared down at her with a look of confusion on my face. A bigger vehicle? That’s what she had to tell me?

  “You know, because we’ll be carrying more stuff when we take the baby to our parents house to visit,” she continued as the biggest, most beautiful smile spread across her face.

  Wait.

  Did she just say?

  “Did you just say baby? Like as in a baby, baby?”

  She nodded and I felt like all the breath had been sucker punched from me.

  “Are you serious?” I whispered not able to find my voice.

  “We are due in about seven and a half months. I guess it was all that practice for our wedding night.”

  I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her as the realization began to sink in and elation spread through me.